First “Official” Mail!

After leaving my son at school, I stopped by the Post Office to check my box – the one I rented in preparation for all those royalty checks and movie contracts sure to arrive once I sell my book. Lo and behold there was an envelope! My first piece of mail to my “business” address! Yea!!!!

I laughed when I saw the words, “Sexually oriented ad.”

When I got home I opened the envelope and pulled out the two glossy sheets. I’ll not mention the specific “product” but will quote from the ad!

In BIG letters: “Acts in the time it takes to drop your pants.” In small letters: “take a few minutes prior to sexual activity.” Just how long do they think it takes to drop pants? But there’s more. Once you wait the few minutes, “You can now remove your pants without a care in the world!” Oh cool!!! Then right below that it says, “Within 2 minutes…” Wait – you mean I gotta wait two more minutes before my confidence grows to unprecedented proportions?

And you should see the photo taken “Minutes after absorption of a single dose.” Must actually be good stuff cause that girl looks like Gomer Pyle. “Shazam!”

“Your new penis will simply amaze you!” What, does the old one fall off? Does the new one do tricks? “Sit Ooboo. Good boy. No! NO! Don’t play dead!!!”

Who knew much needed laughs could come from the Post Office?

 

About Author Richard P. Nixon

Fled Libya in wake of '67 Six Day War. "Uncle Mo" eventually seized power - two years later on my birthday. Grew up mostly American, with some "old world" quirks. Have been writing since around 1994, but didn't really start writing until 2008. Between 1976 and 1983 spent my time between boarding school (Ireland, Northern Ireland and England) and Alaska (until 1978) and then Saudi Arabia. Came back to the States in '83 and have been in Arizona since '95. Have a nice day. ;)
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