You’ve probably heard the saying, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” I couldn’t disagree more, but that’s probably why I sometimes have a hard time moving forward. I remember many years ago my friend’s wife was leaving him off at school and I looked over and noticed she just didn’t look quite right. I asked if she was alright and she said yes and asked why. “I dunno, you just don’t look good,” I said. “Like you plastered your makeup on or something.” I caught hell from my friend for that, but it was true – instead of enhancing her natural beauty she’d made herself look like a street tart and I’d hoped she’d wipe off all that crap and start over with a lighter touch.
I’ve always thought it best to be honest with people. I have no patience for the bullshit of dancing around trying to convey an opinion through grunts, groans, and hesitation. If you’ve something to say then say it, right? You can’t argue with the truth. This is how we learn. This is how we grow. It’s an off-shoot of so-called “social cues”.
When it comes to writing, truth and honesty often butt heads with ego and the excuse of artistic interpretation. What may appear to be absolute crap to one person may be heavenly art to another. And that’s key – remembering that it’s an opinion through the eye of the beholder.
My goal as a writer is to present the best damned material possible, and part of the process involves developing a thick skin, mostly through objectivity – the ability to analyze opinion without emotion (as opposed to apathy – the state of simply not giving a damn). It raises you out of the depths of being an amateur, builds confidence and protects against arrogance so you end up more professional than prima donna.
I’m very critical of my own work, but my ability to fix flaws is limited to my ability to see them. I’ve spent the past three years sculpting my memoir, The Troubles, honing it into something I think is really good, but I’m not so arrogant as to think my opinion alone is all that matters. I have final say, of course, but that’s not going to be very helpful if my work appeals to me and no one else. So, along the way, I’ve asked for outside opinion and, for the most part, the feedback has been interesting, with some folks thankfully catching some real whoppers for me to fix.
But for some reason, there are others who were very enthusiastic about being a reader and then just said nothing further. I see them post on Facebook, etc. and I send them messages to find out what’s going on. Nothing. I just don’t understand where that comes from. Worse, yet, is when someone asks me specifically to be a reader and then do this. Beyond bizarre.
They say, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all,” is supposed to spare hurt feelings. Truth is, saying nothing might do far more harm than good. So if someone asks you to say something, don’t think you’re doing any favors by remaining silent. You wouldn’t have been asked if your opinion didn’t mean something, and who knows, you may find one of those real whoppers that stands between being laughed at and true greatness. So say something, even “eff you, leave me alone!” That’s a hell of a lot better than the alternative – for everyone concerned. 😉
I think that is why I HAVEN’T asked to be a reviewer. I am hard on myself and I’m afraid I might not want to respond. What if I hated it?
That said, I am looking foward to reading it when you get it published. You’ve got me curious.
(No Wanda, Not THAT way!)
Thanks Clayton. Wanda hated a chapter some time ago, and I happened to be especially proud of that chapter, but she was able to tell me *why* she hated it which gave me what I needed to fix it once I realize she was right (which took a bit. Yeah, sometimes I think I must have been dropped on my head, lol).